Has UFC become the new glamour sport? Judging on the celebrities who filled the MGM Grand in Vegas to witness UFC 52 on April 16th, you’d have to say “Uh, Maybe.” Kevin “The King of Queens” James. Karl “The Mailman” Malone. Cindy “Holy Mackerel She’s Hot” Crawford. Pamela “Holy Mackerel She’s Hot Too” Anderson. True, nobody was going to mistake this for the Academy Awards, but hey—it could have been worse. It could have been Pauly Shore and Joey Buttafuoco.

They were all there to see tonight’s Main Event, Randy Couture vs. Chuck Liddell, a rematch for the UFC Light-Heavyweight Championship of the world. For UFC fans, this was The Big One.

Georges St. Pierre looks as bored as the rest of us after sitting through this tremendously one-sided fight. From the opening bell, St. Pierre controlled the entire contest.

For those of us who couldn’t score tickets to Vegas, we were happy enough to watch on Pay-Per-View, where hosts Mike Goldberg and Joe “I Can Do More Than Cheer People On As They Eat Bugs” Rogan provided the play-by-play and color commentary. If you’re familiar with Rogan’s shrill work as the host of NBC’s Fear Factor, you had to be hoping he’d get a bit of a pummeling, too.

The evening started off with a solid Welterweight bout: Jason “Mayhem” Miller squaring off against Georges St. Pierre.

Miller strutted into the arena wearing a bizarre metallic mask, and holding wads of cash, which he proceeded to throw into the crowd like he was P Diddy. For Miller’s sake, I hope the cash was fake, because after his subsequent ass-whooping, he’s clearly going to need that cash for medical bills.

Miller’s spectacle was in direct contrast to the lean, mean St. Pierre, who had a no-nonsense entry. No frills, no mask, no wads of cash. So immediately, I was rooting for him to kick ass.

The evening’s activities were started by long-time Ring Announcer Bruce Buffer (half-brother of Michael Buffer, the “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble” guy). This got me wondering…do you need to be a Buffer to become a Ring Announcer? It seems like a pretty sweet gig…the hours aren’t bad, and you get to wear a snazzy tux. And I’m sure the pay is great. So why do the Buffers have a monopoly on Ring Announcing? It just ain’t fair.

The only problem with Bruce Buffer is he doesn’t have a catchy phrase like his more famous brother. So maybe we can come up with something cool for Bruce. Something along the lines of “Let’s Get Stoked For the Rear-Naked Choke!” or “Time To Get Hard for Passing The Guard.” On second thought, maybe not.

As it turns out, Miller’s entry was the most entertaining aspect of this fight, because from the opening bell, it was all St. Pierre. By the end of the fight, Miller was a bloody mess and St. Pierre coasted to a unanimous decision.

Matt Lindland seemed to have the upper hand, but Travis Lutter is skilled at working from the bottom. Lindland found this out first hand after tapping out from a Guillotine Choke in Round 2.

Next up was a Middleweight bout, with Travis Lutter facing Matt Lindland. A little background on these fighters: Lutter (31), a Jiu-Jitsu specialist, was coming off an impressive victory over Marion “Beastman” Eastman. Lindland (34) is an Olympic Silver Medallist in Greco-Roman Wrestling.

Round 1 saw both fighters feeling each other out, mostly in clinches. Travis is skilled at working from his back so this could have been a trap for Lindland. But he was able to escape and make it to his feet as Round 1 came to a close.

Round 2 started with both fighters continuing on the ground. The action was slow—but not for long. One thing about UFC that makes it so exciting is that the tide can turn quicker than the blink of an eye. A fight that seems like a slow-paced grind can explode into furious action in the fraction of a second. That’s exactly what happened here.

In what seemed like an instant, Lindland was able to slip the Guillotine Choke on Lutter. Boom. In seconds, he tapped out and the fight was over. Lutter, and the rest of the crowd, were shocked at the brevity. But when you’re oxygen supply is cut off, things tend to happen pretty quick.

After the fight, Lindland had this to say, “I prefer to pound guys in the face, but he was tying me up and making it hard to hit him, so I decided to choke him instead.” That pretty much says it all.

"This is for the low blow!" In the evening's most action-packed fight, Matt Huges slips a rear naked choke on Frank Trigg after holding off a furious Trigg attack following a low blow.

Next up was the much-discussed fight between Matt Hughes and Frank Trigg. This bout has been covered extensively on this site, so there’s little need to cover old ground. All I can say is Matt Hughes is one tough son-of-a-bitch. Every time I’ve been hit in the groin (which, thankfully isn’t too often) the only thing I want to do is curl up in a ball and moan for awhile. The last thing I want to do is get pounded in the face by the likes of Frank Trigg. But that’s exactly the position Matt Hughes found himself in after falling victim to Trigg’s low blows.

With a superhuman effort, Hughes was able to withstand Trigg’s initial flurry of punches, and managed to tire the big man out. Once Trigg ran out of gas, Hughes was able to reverse the situation, and land Trigg in a fearsome rear-naked choke. That was all she wrote.

After the fight, Hughes displayed true class, “He (Trigg) didn’t do anything wrong.” For Trigg, this fight meant it was “Back to the drawing board.”

Classic stuff.

Next up was an interesting matchup in the 205 lb class. Travis Wiuff (sounds like sleuth), a former collegiate All-American wrestler faced off against Babalu. Wiuff, a workhorse who fights as often as possible, was fighting at a lighter weight than usual, having dropped down from heavyweight. He is known as a strong striker, in addition to his formidable grappling technique. In contrast, Babalu is primarily a jiu-jitsu fighter.

Babalu grapples with Travis Wiuff. Both fighters showed strong defensive technique, but Babalu emerged victorious with a brilliant execution of an armbar.

Round 1 began with both men measuring each other, testing the waters, as it were. Nobody seemed over-eager to commit to a move. Then Travis executed a well-crafted takedown of Babalu, but in the process he lost his mouthpiece, so the referee called time while they washed and cleaned it up.

Am I the only one who finds this a bit odd? Here we have two large, no, gigantic men trying to kill each other any way they can. The sooner the better. Whether it’s a choking off their oxygen supply, ripping their arm from their socket, or simply climbing on top and pummeling their face until it looks like something you’d get at Taco Bell—if it’s violent, it’s all good. But a dirty mouthpiece? Heaven forbid! They might get…germs! EWWWWW!

I think germs and dirty mouthpieces are the least of these guys' problems. But I don’t make the rules, so….

When the fight resumed, Babalu tried to sink in a Guillotine chokehold, but Wiuff was able to defend. Later in the round, Wiuff slipped up trying to sink in the same hold. It seemed both fighters were able to defend well.

Then, boom. Travis executed a takedown, but from the bottom position Babalu was able to lock in an armbar. Travis tapped out, end of fight.

This took all of five seconds, and it was over. Just goes to show how fast things can turn in the crazy world of UFC. I for one am just glad nobody got any germs. Travis nearly got his arm ripped off, but at least his mouthpiece was clean.

This brings us to the night’s main event. If you’re reading this article and you’ve made it this far, chances are you already know what happened. The crowd went wild for Randy Couture as he entered the ring to a version of U2’s classic “Bullet The Blue Sky” with vocals by who I think was the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. But who’s going to say anything to him about it? Certainly not me.

Both fighters have resumes as long as Mike Tyson’s rapsheet, so there’s no need to go over their past histories here. Suffice to say, this was The Main Event, the big one we all were waiting for. Hell, if it’s good enough for Cindy Crawford and Pam Anderson…

The fight got off to a quick start with both men measuring eachother up. Randy took the center of the Octagon, with Chuck dancing around the outskirts.

Then, boom. Chuck Liddell hits Couture with a shot in the eye. You could hear the entire MGM Grand hold its collective breath—nobody wanted to see this fight end early due to an injury. That would have been a fiasco.

The Punch Heard Round The World---The right hand that knocked Randy Couture out. Say hello to your new Champion, Chuck Liddell.

But Randy was ok, at least that’s what he said. Because a few seconds later, Liddell hit him with a right hand that would have stopped a Mack Truck. Randy was out cold. End of fight. Say hello to your new champion, Chuck Liddell.

The arena was stunned…this happened so quickly, nobody was expecting it. Randy is a living legend and it’s never fun to see living legends get knocked out.

After the fight, Couture was philosophical about his loss, “You stay in here long enough, sooner or later, it’s bound to happen. But I’ll be back. I guarantee it.”

At 41, Randy obviously doesn’t have too many peak years left. But if anybody can break the mold and keep fighting at a high level well into their forties, it’s The Natural, Randy Couture.

Just wait for the rematch. As long as nobody’s mouthpiece gets dirty, it should make for a hell of a fight.

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